Customer Profile: The Sock Monster
We try to keep him here, really, we do. The problem is, he won’t eat both members of a pair. Ever. Not real bright, but he has some sort of sixth sense about it and he won’t touch the second one and there are only so many sock puppets a person can make before everyone starts getting worried and you start to think they might be right.
I mean, guy smells good, I’ll give him that. Spring or lilacs or baby fresh depending on where he’s been. But Hell’s Bells, the lint…. You’ve never seen dust bunnies so like unto tumbleweeds.
He isn’t malicious, not really. It’s just in his nature (it’s not like he steals engagement rings or money).
Hey, if you leave it in your pocket and it ends up in the dryer, that’s your fault, not yes.
Yes, it’s annoying. Especially when it’s one of your black and gold striped knee-highs and you have a baseball game to go to and damn it, those are your lucky home run socks and now one of them is missing and you know, just know, that if the Pirates lose this game or the division, it’s your fault because you didn’t have your lucky gold and black striped socks at this game in April and goddamn it, fucking SOCK MONSTER!
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