*Mike Drop*
I was going to write a rant-y post about all the DC costume change announcements because, whether or not they’re temporary, they’re stupid.
Then, I had stuff to do and I went to the zoo with the kids and it was Pi day and I took a nap and then I decided it wasn’t even worth the full fledged rant so I’m going with the short version (go ahead, sigh with relief, I’m used to it).
I mean, seriously. Green Arrow has a mullet and looks like a middle-aged frat boy.
We had this…
image via comicvine.com
.. and now you want us to give a shit about THAT? Really? REALLY?
image via ign.com
I can rock Green Lantern’s power gauntlet. It looks neat and he can make far more dramatic fists while wearing it and if his hand got broken he wouldn’t have to freak out and get that shit off before it clamped down on his circulation. The hooded cover-all, though? No. I mean, I guess maybe it’s some sort of cross between a flight suit and a Guardians of the Universe robe? He looks like he’s late for his shift at the gas station. Which isn’t so much renegade as vaguely irresponsible.
The Craft called. It wants its effects back.
image via ign.com
Wonder Woman, while finally getting armor and pants, has also been gifted with something I’ve decided to call either the, “Behold, my golden triangle” flap or the “Avast, there be the beaver” flag.
Oh, good. She has nice accessories to go chase men with. Which, the new writers have said, is going to be her primary pastime. image via ign.com
The fuck is with Supes and his tiny head?
The Hulk was WONDERING where his pants went.
image via ign.com
And Batman looks like a demented Easter Bunny from the penultimate pit of darkness. Not hell. The slightly less dark pit someone opened next door.
He can’t even look you in the eye and say, “I’m Batman anymore.” Unless you offer him carrots.
image via ign.com
Flash… he just looks like The Flash, so… you know. The Flash.
Super package is one of his new powers.
image via ign.com
Enough, DC. Just… enough. This is why you can’t have nice things. The whole New 52 thing was your chance and you blew it. It blew. Giant, steaming, monkey balls. If you were putting out quality books, you wouldn’t have to keep fucking around.
I know, I know. Marvel has their own “event” coming up. I’m not thrilled about that either, nor am I thrilled about them knocking off Wolverine, Deadpool, and assorted others simply to bring them back in a new universe. But at least we can assume that will be a decent story with some sort of purpose.
I now have ZERO DC books active on my Comixology subscription list. ZERO. Because the ones I was getting either actively angered me or were, at best, boring as hell. I have limited funds and limited time. I have books I can’t wait for and someone else is making all of them.
It’s going to take more than flowers, chocolate, and a decent goatee for GA to win be back this time, guys.
I’ll be over here reading Descender, Thor, Drifter, and Captain Marvel. Let me know when you’re ready.
Recent Comments