Thor: The Milquetoast World

Yep.  I’m about to rant again.  Hold on to your jocks, boys, and ladies, take note.

I have stated before and will, for the sake of full disclosure, remind you I dislike Natalie Portman as an actress.  I don’t know her personally; I’m sure she’s lovely.  On screen, however, I find the woman… irksome.  At best.  A lack of presence maybe, an absolute void actually inhabiting a role or a world?  For fuck’s sake Jane Foster is the love of a god’s life!  A hot god’s life.  A very, very hot god’s life (what, I’m not blind).  If it were me, I’d be ecstatic.  Though myself, I’m much more of a Loki girl.

Still.

Very.  Hot.  God.

The woman can hardly muster a smile.  The dialogue doesn’t do her any favors, that’s for damn sure; mumbled platitudes combined with Charlie Brown’s teacher plus a few science-y words for the sake of astrophysicist authenticity.

So why Jane Foster?  What’s the attraction to the milquetoast?  Are we supposed to believe that Thor, the god of thunder, of the storm, would be attached to someone so bland, so utterly… white bread?  Why not Lady Sif or even Darcy?

I imagine it has little to do with Thor and more to do with who’s doing the writing.  Specifically, dudes.  Always with the dudes.

Jane Foster is easy.  No, not like that.  Well, maybe like that.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  Jane, ultimately, and despite an occasional smart-ass quip, a transparent attempt to make her seem “kick ass,” doesn’t have a lot of fight in her.  She’s one of those girls, and the more I look, the more I find, who is a main character but not, by any stretch, a protagonist.  She does little… okay, let’s be fair, she does nothing, to drive her own story.  Shit, at least Darcy hires an intern when she feels like it.  Jane allows herself to be shoved around, goes where she’s told, is possessed by an evil entity, and needs to be saved.  She is there for Thor to prove he’s a man, not to be an actual woman or his equal in any way.

To have love of the kind Thor claims to have for Jane, there needs to be equality.  There need to be two people driving their own lives, or at least piloting their joint life together.  Mutual course by mutual agreement.  

Plus, she cowers behind a column, and then a curtain, oops, a hologram, while Frigga takes a pretty sweet stab at the baddiei.  When Frigga says she’ll never tell, you believe her.  There is no doubt it your mind that she’ll take it to the grave… er… flaming boat.  Jane, meanwhile, would probably give it up if you pulled her hair hard enough.  She can’t even handle a little aether without swooning.  Forty-five minutes in and I think we’re up to five.  That’s a swoon every NINE minutes.

Would Sif be a better match for Thor?  Hard to say.  We don’t get to see enough of her to know.  Why?  The glimpses we get suggest she might actually be a challenge to well-defined blue-eyes.  And I don’t just mean physically.  Sure, if you took away his hammer she could probably kick his ass, but leaving it at that is the fundamental flaw in the way we judge the strength of female characters.  It isn’t all about brute force.  Anyone can be an ass-kicker.  Being an ass-kicker makes one strong but not necessarily a strong character.  There are flashes of Sif possibly being a challenge to Thor’s intellect, (what, he has intellect), to his smart-asser-y.  To his authority.  She’s certainly more rational, certainly makes better decisions (mostly).  And she has a willingness to sacrifice herself for her friends.

That’s a bond.  A really bond.

A bond you’d think would give Thor pause.  Jane runs and hides.  Sif stands and fights.  And she’d definitely be able to handle the aether.

Who would you want on the throne next to you?

I’d think the one who has yet to swoon.  But that’s just me.

And Darcy, well.  At least she makes her own decisions.

Alas.  We’re forced to settle.  Again.

End lame female character rant.  For tonight.